Charm of Ivanhoe

My latest short story is about a drifter who, when he discovers that his mother is dying, abandons the search for his neglectful father and hitchhikes home to square accounts. The theme and tone was inspired by this song.

"Something Pretty" by Patrick Park

Here I am, where I've been
I've walked a hundred miles in tobacco skin,
And my clothes are worn & gritty.
And I know ugliness,
Now show me something pretty.

I was a dumb punk kid with nothing to lose
And too much weight for walking shoes.
I could have died from being boring.
As for loneliness,
She greets me every morning.

At the most I'm a glare,
I'm the hopeless son who's hardly there.
I'm the open sign that's always busted.
I'm the friend you need, but can't be trusted.

At the most I'm a glare,
I'm the hopeless son who's hardly there.
I'm the open sign that's always busted.
I'm the friend you need, but can't be trusted.

Here I am, where I've been
I've walked a hundred miles in tobacco skin,
And my clothes are worn & gritty.
And I know ugliness,
Now show me something pretty.

At the most I'm a glare,
I'm the hopeless son who's hardly there.
I'm the open sign that's always busted.
I'm the friend you need, but can't be trusted.

At the most I'm a glare,
I'm the hopeless son who's hardly there.
I'm the open sign that's always busted.
I'm the friend you need, but can't be trusted.

Punchlines

Strange ingredients can be a pleasant surprise. I would therefore always encourage experimentation when vacationing abroad! Case in point...? Absolutely THE best dish I ever tasted happened to be coconut baby oil while I was stranded on an island for three years.

(murmur in background)

What do you mean they serve other food in Manhattan?!

Oktoberfest 2010

Ode to Stella Artois

By George Sand

May be sung to the tune of Sweet Disposition by Temper Trap

Never too drunk
Oktoberfest’s begun
Another round on Matt
of Stella Artois,
burgers and fries
on Friday night.
Poker til dawn
with Mickey and Mark
Ramzy and Ken
Maria and Paul
Palace and Ben.
Just stay there
‘Cause I'll be comin' over
While Michelle’s still young.
Then on Saturday
Grilling, cornholing all day
Won't stop til it's over
or until eight-thirty
whichever comes first.
The Social Network
that night with Jon,
Sheila and Nick
and after we drink
again, of course
a pint or two
of Stella Artois
We’ll have some laughs.
Just stay there
Cause I'll be comin' over
While Bailey’s still young
And then on Sunday
Won't stop til it's over
Won't stop to surrender
Oh, Stella Artois
We raise our glass
and drink to you
all weekend long (won't stop til it's over)
Oh, Stella Artois
We raise our glass
and drink to you
all weekend long (won't stop til it's over)
Oh, Stella Artois
We raise our glass
and drink to you
all weekend long (won't stop til it's over)
Oh, Stella Artois
We raise our glass
and drink to you
all weekend long (won't stop til it's over)

Punchlines

You know, divorce isn't the only option. Have you considered homicide?