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The first incarnation of this story had a short gestation period and was produced in a little over an hour. As reviews came in, very little compelled me to rewrite it until one intriguing idea was presented: To take out details to make this story anonymous and thus more accessible. "Pinter it up a bit" is what I sought to do. 

In addition to that change, I offered two perspectives to the story: his point of view first and then hers to serve as a counterpoint. While it isn't the non-linear storytelling genius of Kurosawa's Roshamon, it is an attempt to exercise my literary muscles.  

And so the second reincarnation of this story took a while longer. About two days I think and hopefully worthy of 15 minutes of your time. 

Punchlines

I must find another line of work. This one is going absolutely nowhere.

I think you should quit your job at Nihilists Anonymous

Skinny jeans

Just about everyone has struggled with weight loss at some point in his/her life. I don't care if you're trying to lose 5 pounds to squeeze into skinny jeans, 60 pounds accumulated over the years because you ate the same amount every day, but your metabolism slowed, or you just have a beer gut you can't get rid of. Weight loss is no laughing matter for most people. But what if it was?

This summer, I collaborated with about dozen other writers to create an anthology of short stories about weight loss. The idea originated when I was attempting to shed the last few pounds to fit into a pair of skinny jeans. My solution? Laughter. I kid you not. Laughter works the core muscles and I've got the abs to prove it. With this in mind, some fellow short story writers jumped in to offer their stories and the result is a collection of humorous stories, representing different genres of comedy: satire, parody, dark comedy, comedy of manners, slapstick, farce, and so on. I am exceedingly proud of the contributions of each of these writers. 

If you want to preview a draft, the anthology Laugh Your Way Into Skinny Jeans is available to members of Trigger Street, which is free to join.

Each chapter and synopsis are provided below. Please enjoy!

CHAPTER 1 – MAXELLA BY GEORGE SAND

Egotistical and abrasive chef Maxella Lawson lands her own television show and decides to lose weight. In so doing, she learns sometimes it's better to look good *and* feel good.

CHAPTER 2 – DEAR DESSERT - A LUST STORY BY T. ROB

Breaking up is hard to do.

 

CHAPTER 3 – THE PROPOSAL BY MIKE WOLFSON

Who said romance was dead?

CHAPTER 4 – THE GUEST BY CROSSWORD

Old world meets new in a little tale of defying the status quo.

CHAPTER 5 – ABSOLUTELY FLAB-U-LOSS BY LEEMANCHEE

 

CHAPTER 6 – MAUDLIN NINA BY CHAVADEN

An overweight health care worker comes to term with her stereotype image.

CHAPTER 7 – THEY CALL ME ITTY BITTY BY THE3RR

Man seeks woman. Man deceives woman. Man must now fix problem created by deception or lose woman. Will he do it? Man not too bright. Read on.

CHAPTER 8 – THE HEALTH SPA FOR LOST SOULS BY LOREMASTER

Two entrepreneurs overstep their bounds due to their gambling addictions. One turns out to be a big time cheater (in more ways than one!), while the victim must fight back with all his wiles... and a staff with very sick senses of humor.

CHAPTER 9 – SHRINK TO FIT BY GEORGE SAND

A day in the life of Skinny Jeans.

CHAPTER 10 – WEAKNESS FOR SWEETNESS BY ANGELB

 

CHAPTER 11 – INCOGNITO BY CROSSWORD  

An unhappy gossip columnist flies to Mexico to scoop an exclusive interview with an elusive author. And in her family, the only way to get what you want is via deceitful means.

CHAPTER 12 – ODE TO SKINNY JEANS BY KKATHERINE     

 

CHAPTER 13 – MAKING BRANDO SMILE BY BMADDOX       

A lonely woman finds love and (weight) loss exceeding her wildest dreams.

CHAPTER 14 – THE DOCTOR’S OFFICE BY AWOHNOUT

Punchlines

And exactly why should I put up with your tantrums again?

Three reasons I suppose: You like me. We work well together. I am your boss.

Leaving Las Vegas

This year's AVP King and Queen of the Beach competition was held at Mandalay Bay in Las Vegas and it was a scorcher. Pool play started on Thursday with the top 16 individual players competing in a round robin format to emerge into Round 2, where 8 players continued on to compete for one of two spots in the finals. Phil Dalhausser and Jen Kessey were crowned King and Queen of the Beach. Woohoo!

During this same weekend, Phil, Niki and I spent a brief afternoon at the aquarium, and this is what we came across.

Black tip reef shark

Lion fish (venemous and dangerous)

Jelly fish

Punchlines

So the other day, I'm in for my weekly enema, and all of a sudden, the administrator sneezes and sends my...

...loose stool colliding with my shy testicle. It was like a depraved game of billiards but without the sorority chicks.

Osteria Mozza

Italian food never tasted so good. I had the pleasure of dining this week at Osteria Mozza and I now know what all the hype is about. It was the kind of place in which you are tempted to order one of each, literally. Take for example the free-standing Mozzarella Bar. That's right! Nancy Silverton prepares a wide array of mozzarella, burrata, bocconcini, strachiatella along side prosicutto, speck, bacon and more. If there's ever a winning combination, burrata and bacon has gotta be it. Here's a rundown of what we ate that night:

Antipasti

Burrata with bacon, marinated escarole & caramelized shallot

Caprese with bufala mozzarella, oven-dried tomatoes & basil 

Primi

Ricotta Gnudi with chantrelles and spinach

Tagliatelle with oxtail ragu

Secondi

Crisp Duck al Mattone with pear mostarda & Brussels sprouts

Beef Brasato with polenta & horseradish gremolata

Dolci

Panna cotta vanille with fruit compote and nuts

Burrata with bacon, marinated escarole & caramelized shallot

Beef Brasato with polenta & horseradish gremolata

Punchlines

Grammy, I'm sick and tired of you calling me dipshit all the time. Why can't you be like other grandmothers and call me...

...my precious.

Burnin' up

Fire season is upon us in Los Angeles. Most of the news has done a really good job of freaking out people around the world so I thought I'd share some specifics, most of which is reported by the California Division of Forestry on their incident website and this information is updated frequently throughout the day.

First, here is a time-lapse video of what we're up against with Station Fire, positioned just north of Los Angeles in the foothills. As of this posting, the Station Fire is 5% contained. There's some debate as to whether these types of fire is good for the chaparral habitat or not. I'm no expert, but I'll try to synthesize what I have learned so far.

Some folks will argue that fire is good and fire suppression is bad. Fire suppression can lead to an overabundance of vegetation creating dangerous levels of fuels in California wildlands. While this may be true for some forestland (particularly in dry ponderosa forests in the southwest), it is not true for California chaparral.   

The fires ablaze in the foothills just north of Los Angeles is bad fire, the kind that destroy the natural resources that we enjoy. So this fire is bad, plain and simple.

It does however create some pretty awesome sunsets. 

Punchlines

Quit poking me, will ya?

I will not stop until you listen. Get a flu shot! Okay (poke poke) ... get one!

It is a well known fact that 17 out of every 10 Americans will get Swine Flu next month.