Ode to Stella Artois

People ask me why I write lyrics about Stella Artois. It really started a couple months ago when I, along with a few others, accepted a dare to write a screenplay in less than a month.

The dare began on March 18 and was to be completed by March 31. Normally I would have accepted the dare readily, except at that moment in time, I had just completed writing a feature script in a record 12 days that same month (Nubby Elfin Tales). With the promise of a scapegoat already picked out, how was I to lose, really? Besides, the consequences of losing the dare were to write a 700-word romantic prose piece about Stella Artois, and even that was something I wouldn’t mind doing either.

For the dare, I wrote a TV spec script (Chuck vs. The Doppelganger) in a record 5 days. While I was waiting for others to complete their tasks, and to also help spur my fellow speedy dare devils on, I began to write lyrics to Stella Artois. If I’m lucky, maybe it’ll turn into a sponsorship opportunity. But regardless, they're fun to write. Well, without further ado, here is just one example:

Stella Artois by George Sand

May be sung to the tune of “Manic Monday” by The Bangles   

Six o'clock already 

I was just in the middle of a dream 

I was drinkin' Stella Artois 

By a crystal blue Italian stream 

But I can't be dry 

'Cause then I guess I'll be pretty dull   

These are the days 

When you wish your glass was already full   

Chorus 

It's just another Stella Artois 

I wish it was bourgeois 

With a shot of framboise 

Shoot it down and voila 

It's just another Stella Artois   

Have to catch an early drink 

Got to be dead drunk by nine 

And if I had a bong or two 

I still couldn't make it on time 

'Cause it takes me so long 

Just to figure out what I'm gonna drink 

Blame it on the crowds 

‘Cause the drunks are all there, I think      

All of the nights 

Why did the barkeep have to pick last night 

To run out?  

Doesn't it matter 

That I have to pour for both of us?   

The ice is low 

He tells me in his drunken voice 

C'mon honey, let's go make some noise 

Time it goes so fast 

When you're drinkin’ beer

Punchlines

I'm currently toying with a rock classic bid-out on e-bay. But I have to decide between my all-time idols, namely:

1) Rick Wakeman cape

2) Dan Fogelberg plectrum

3) Peter Frampton Baby I Love Your Way lunchbox (with thermos)

Decisions, decisions...

Oooh! What about the Jimi Hendrix pogo stick!?!